This last stage of life has been all about change. And growing. I could focus on the many struggles we have had. The hard times. The scary times. The hurting times. But in the end, looking back, I can see God's amazing love for us. His goodness to us and His never leaving us. It is good and important to look back on all that we have been though so that we can look ahead with courage and without fear for He truly is with us.
Obviously I'm talking a lot about our pregnancy with Jesse. Finding out we were pregnant with another sweet babe brought change into our lives. Huge blessings. Much growing. Finding out was a big surprise and now is so perfect. I feared losing him soon after I became pregnant. The night we wanted to announce our pregnancy to our home group in church we stayed home and asked for prayer that the cramping and pain would cease and that we wouldn't lose this babe that was such a big surprise but that I so desperately wanted to keep and meet and hold. That was the beginning of a hard, long, painful 9 months. But God's amazing goodness and His fingerprints were there every step of the way.
And as most of you know this has also been a time of change for my mom. I haven't written about this until now. As I thought it was her story to tell. But the more I don't write about it the more I see that because of who she is to us - it's our story too. My mom is my hero. She always has been. Always will be. Her amazing love and selflessness and joy in life inspires me. And her journey with cancer and complete trust in God encourages and challenges me. She's gone through surgery and is continuing on with chemo and radiation and all that comes along with that. She's lost her hair. But never her spunk. Never her joy of life. Never her laughter. She never gets down or feels sorry for herself. We can't see her as much these days but the times we can are as special as ever. I won't write more about this. We're more smooth sailing now. There were rough patches and fearful times. But God is in each storm. His presence is always near. It's times like these when you see that you need struggles. You need hard times. To see Him. To need Him. To really truly want Him. It's quite amazing really. Change.
I'm so glad to have walked through a hard time with my family. To be able to say to my kids "Remember when...Fill in the blank happened.... It was hard. But God was there." With both my mom and her cancer and with Jesse and the threat of pre term delivery my kids knew what the worst case scenario could be. Not because we wanted them to, necessarily. But because we don't like to lie to them or to over protect them. But mostly because they loved both so much they had so many questions and wanted to know the bottom line. I remember a conversation I had with the kids about Oma. And I had just finished telling them that we just had to trust God and that her life was in His hands and that He loves her more deeply than we can even imagine and always has a plan regardless of how we feel at the time. And Danny said "Ya! Cuz His hands are really big!" It was so sweet.
I think that along this journey the last few months I have learned to trust God more. I have learned that nothing is in my control - I'm just along for the ride. I can fight it or fear it or I can find my place wrapped in the arms of a loving God. It may seem strange to be thankful for struggles and hard times but I am. They have made me calmer and more content. Less worried about the small things. Like our home. It's been a 9 year struggle to be happy here. To be content where God has placed us.
I wish I had photos of when we just moved in so that I could have photos of all the progress. Along the way we made this house a home. We've loved here. We've laughed here. We've cried here. We've had our five children here. We've been so hugely blessed here. Despite my not wanting to live here.
Here are some photos of the house. Because I am feeling sentimental.
First here is the bathroom. I love this bathroom. It means the world to me. I hated the bathroom that was here when I first moved in. Seriously. It was bad. Like really. Really. It was so bad I didn't want people to visit because they might have to go to the bathroom kind of bad. And one day my brothers all got together and fixed it for me. Bryant was away hunting and I was pregnant with Maria. And they got me a new vanity and mirror. They painted it and made it beautiful. I remember going to Home Depot and choosing my new bathroom. And nearly crying at the fact that they loved me so well and they got how much a new bathroom would mean to me. It's pretty much the best birthday present ever.
I remember going to 3 or 4 different stores to find that shower curtain. And not telling Bryant how much I spent on it. I'm still kinda shocked. I had to have it, though. My friend Angela had the same one and I loved it so much I went to those 3 or 4 different stores to get it. She still has it, too. She must also still be shocked at the cost ;p. And I'm still pretty proud of the curtain I made for the window. I just all round like this bathroom. Yep. It's my favorite room in the house. Is that weird?
My second favorite room in the house is the kitchen. I love it. I love that Bryant made it to suit me. I love that he raised the counters so that I would be more comfortable. And he would be less. I love that he designed and built it all himself. I love the hours he spent drawing and redrawing it up when he was planning it. It had to be just so. I love the silly machines he bought to build it. I love the time he spent with the kids to build it. I love how amazing it felt to work in a kitchen that was made with love just for me. I love this kitchen because it reminds me that Bryant loves me.
I don't love our dining room. And that we have use these chairs around it because the proper ones don't fit. I don't love having to pull it out and push it back every time we use it. Or having our garbage can in the hallway because it won't fit in the kitchen. But I love that we have a pretty table that Bryant's friend gave us and that we can use 2 of the proper chairs.
I love this wall and the heights of my kids and comparing them. Maria not so much. Everyone is taller than she was at every age so far ;)
I like my living room. And the shelves B made for me. And the table he made for the kids. And the kids art everywhere.
Here's the entrance to our house. So much stuff! Goodness. Homeschooling and 5 kids does that to a house, I guess...
The boys room. And the super fantastic triple decker bed B made for the kids :)
I'm a bit bummed these photos are so crummy. But I want to remember!!
Here is the girls half of our room. There are shipping blankets and pretty pink curtains dividing their room from ours. These pics are the worst. Boo. But they're what I have. They love this room!
Bryant and my room.
And our house. Tiny and old. But it's held us well for 9 years.
And here's to more change.
God has found a house for us in His perfect timing. My impatience and frustration and discontent were for nothing. And all the photos above weren't for nothing either :) His timing was definitely not my timing. Of course this would come when moving was the last thing on my mind! But the time has come to say good bye. To this old house. Which I now can't help but love. Of course it's the memories more than the house. We've had so many, many good ones. This was the home Bryant brought me to after we were married. And this was the home we brought each of our 5 kids home to after they were born. It's all I've known since the day I became a wife. So while I'm thrilled about our new place. I want to feel sentimental about this one. I want to remember. I want to look back and see all the good things God gave us here. For we were truly blessed here. And we never lacked anything.
And that's that. It is with mixed feelings that we move on.
Here are some early days photos of our new house. We bought the property with my parents and it has been quite the journey. It's quite the story. Bryant was actually working on extending his shop the day we looked at the house. My parents said they were interested in a house and if we'd like to come along to view it. I was surprised. I didn't even know they were looking. And I secretly let myself entertain the idea of buying with them for a little while. But I didn't think B would go for it. I was happy to go along for the adventure and was trying to leave it at that. We met my parents at the house at 3. I looked around rather half heartedly. It was a nice house. Tons of potential. Huge. It did not end. I still get lost. I didn't look too closely because I didn't think Bryant would want to move. Especially on this short notice! So I wasn't allowing myself to go down that road. It's a struggle for me to wait when I am SO ready to move on to the next thing. Initially we had talked about living here (Our old house) only 2 years and for various reasons that just never happened. So 9 years of waiting is a looooooooooong time! This was the first house we actually set foot in to even look at the slight possibility of buying. I just imagined that he'd want to look at 10 or more houses and then compare them and hum and haw for 3 or 12 weeks and then finally make a decision. Or not. But nope. The offer went in the next morning (Friday) and we were approved on Monday. WOW!!
Here is the first pic I took of the house:
It's got tons of potential. It's big. 5 beds and 5 baths. It's been added on to a few times. It had lots of funny rooms and seriously. It never ends! It has 2 kitchens. 2 living rooms. I guess we'll have a family room and a tv room! I'm laughing and a little overwhelmed at all the space! It has an office for B. There will be a laundry/storage/wool/whatever room - just because it's there. There's a room with a hot tub and sauna (Yes. I know!) and there's a funny hallway that's actually kind of like a room.
So. We are packing up the house and we're moving! We'll have space. Inside and out. There are 5 acres out back :) The house and yard both need work. Lots. We've started ripping out carpet. There are 7 skylights in this house. The person that owned this place before us was addicted to skylights inside and concrete everything outside. So we will be taking out all sky lights and filling them in. I'm a bit sad about the 2 that are in our room. I would have liked to experience sleeping under the rain. The sun first thing in the morning - maybe not. But anyway. Most leak so they are going. Better now than after we've done new flooring and paint! We'll live in one side of the house mainly as we do repairs on the other. It will take time before it is fully usable. But it's so big this shouldn't be a problem.
My dad and Dean have been super and are helping out lots. Another thing I'm pretty excited about is the neighbors! It seems like a pretty tight little group. We found this out because sadly our house has already been broken into! Not cool. But Bryant went and chatted with the neighbors and there are a lot of kids around here and it seems everyone knows everyone kinda :) Yay! Tommy was outside in his underwear playing in the neighbors pool while B was chatting. This makes me smile. Yay potty training!
Anyway. Here are some early days photos of the house.
Here is the family room as you walk in. With the new-to-us couches we bought of a friend. The floors are pretty old and will need to be replaced sooner rather than later as they are starting to wear down and little splinters are coming off here and there from wear. But I kinda like the design and it's totally fine for as long as it will take for us to get to them. Such a nice big room and I like the fireplace :)
Here's the funny hallway that I was talking about. There are doors that close that make it kinda like a room. The train track at the back is just off the family room. And to the right is the small kitchen that we will be using for now. For now this will be a sort of play area and dining room. But eventually, once the roof is fixed on the other side of the house and the bigger kitchen gutted and rebuilt this will be my homeschooling area. Yay!! Just a tiny bit excited!!!
This is our smaller kitchen. The nicer one of the two for now. I'm glad it's quite usable and has a dishwasher and nice, new fridge. It will be nice to get working in here. This will eventually just be a spare kitchen. Strange idea but I like it :) It needs a really good clean and one day new counters and tile. But other than that doesn't need much help.
This is Bryant's and my room. You can see the 2 skylights there. It has an en suite bathroom. Something I've always wanted and nice closets. Not something we have right now. I am so excited to get this room decorated and set up just like I have it pictured in my head! :D
This will be the tv room. There's a guest room at the back there and a bathroom at the side, too. I like the openings in the wall here. This is just off of our bigger kitchen and future dining room. A nice big size as well.
This is the girls room. They don't look happy but really they are quite thrilled. They also get a master, which they love! I was just wanting to keep them in their room the whole night without coming out 13 times to pee! There is a sort of tacky walk in closet there now which we will be taking out. It was an afterthought and built right onto the carpet. So that's going. There was also a little addition built onto it which we will also be removing as the ridiculous "sky light" they used as a roof (Basically overhang material) leaked and there was a ton of water damage. They also built it right onto the roof so the roof was sagging underneath it. *Groan* But. Since we're already fixing the roof and sky lights anyway, it's not a huge deal. It will just take a bit longer to get this room done.
And the final photo I have is of the hot tub/sauna room. This still makes me laugh. This whole house does! I guess it suits us ;) The kids can't wait to try it out :)
And that's my long rambly update for now. Will be back more with other updates. This month has zoomed by!! Good thing photos will keep :)
Obviously I'm talking a lot about our pregnancy with Jesse. Finding out we were pregnant with another sweet babe brought change into our lives. Huge blessings. Much growing. Finding out was a big surprise and now is so perfect. I feared losing him soon after I became pregnant. The night we wanted to announce our pregnancy to our home group in church we stayed home and asked for prayer that the cramping and pain would cease and that we wouldn't lose this babe that was such a big surprise but that I so desperately wanted to keep and meet and hold. That was the beginning of a hard, long, painful 9 months. But God's amazing goodness and His fingerprints were there every step of the way.
And as most of you know this has also been a time of change for my mom. I haven't written about this until now. As I thought it was her story to tell. But the more I don't write about it the more I see that because of who she is to us - it's our story too. My mom is my hero. She always has been. Always will be. Her amazing love and selflessness and joy in life inspires me. And her journey with cancer and complete trust in God encourages and challenges me. She's gone through surgery and is continuing on with chemo and radiation and all that comes along with that. She's lost her hair. But never her spunk. Never her joy of life. Never her laughter. She never gets down or feels sorry for herself. We can't see her as much these days but the times we can are as special as ever. I won't write more about this. We're more smooth sailing now. There were rough patches and fearful times. But God is in each storm. His presence is always near. It's times like these when you see that you need struggles. You need hard times. To see Him. To need Him. To really truly want Him. It's quite amazing really. Change.
I'm so glad to have walked through a hard time with my family. To be able to say to my kids "Remember when...Fill in the blank happened.... It was hard. But God was there." With both my mom and her cancer and with Jesse and the threat of pre term delivery my kids knew what the worst case scenario could be. Not because we wanted them to, necessarily. But because we don't like to lie to them or to over protect them. But mostly because they loved both so much they had so many questions and wanted to know the bottom line. I remember a conversation I had with the kids about Oma. And I had just finished telling them that we just had to trust God and that her life was in His hands and that He loves her more deeply than we can even imagine and always has a plan regardless of how we feel at the time. And Danny said "Ya! Cuz His hands are really big!" It was so sweet.
I think that along this journey the last few months I have learned to trust God more. I have learned that nothing is in my control - I'm just along for the ride. I can fight it or fear it or I can find my place wrapped in the arms of a loving God. It may seem strange to be thankful for struggles and hard times but I am. They have made me calmer and more content. Less worried about the small things. Like our home. It's been a 9 year struggle to be happy here. To be content where God has placed us.
I wish I had photos of when we just moved in so that I could have photos of all the progress. Along the way we made this house a home. We've loved here. We've laughed here. We've cried here. We've had our five children here. We've been so hugely blessed here. Despite my not wanting to live here.
Here are some photos of the house. Because I am feeling sentimental.
First here is the bathroom. I love this bathroom. It means the world to me. I hated the bathroom that was here when I first moved in. Seriously. It was bad. Like really. Really. It was so bad I didn't want people to visit because they might have to go to the bathroom kind of bad. And one day my brothers all got together and fixed it for me. Bryant was away hunting and I was pregnant with Maria. And they got me a new vanity and mirror. They painted it and made it beautiful. I remember going to Home Depot and choosing my new bathroom. And nearly crying at the fact that they loved me so well and they got how much a new bathroom would mean to me. It's pretty much the best birthday present ever.
I remember going to 3 or 4 different stores to find that shower curtain. And not telling Bryant how much I spent on it. I'm still kinda shocked. I had to have it, though. My friend Angela had the same one and I loved it so much I went to those 3 or 4 different stores to get it. She still has it, too. She must also still be shocked at the cost ;p. And I'm still pretty proud of the curtain I made for the window. I just all round like this bathroom. Yep. It's my favorite room in the house. Is that weird?
My second favorite room in the house is the kitchen. I love it. I love that Bryant made it to suit me. I love that he raised the counters so that I would be more comfortable. And he would be less. I love that he designed and built it all himself. I love the hours he spent drawing and redrawing it up when he was planning it. It had to be just so. I love the silly machines he bought to build it. I love the time he spent with the kids to build it. I love how amazing it felt to work in a kitchen that was made with love just for me. I love this kitchen because it reminds me that Bryant loves me.
I don't love our dining room. And that we have use these chairs around it because the proper ones don't fit. I don't love having to pull it out and push it back every time we use it. Or having our garbage can in the hallway because it won't fit in the kitchen. But I love that we have a pretty table that Bryant's friend gave us and that we can use 2 of the proper chairs.
I love this wall and the heights of my kids and comparing them. Maria not so much. Everyone is taller than she was at every age so far ;)
I like my living room. And the shelves B made for me. And the table he made for the kids. And the kids art everywhere.
Here's the entrance to our house. So much stuff! Goodness. Homeschooling and 5 kids does that to a house, I guess...
The boys room. And the super fantastic triple decker bed B made for the kids :)
I'm a bit bummed these photos are so crummy. But I want to remember!!
Here is the girls half of our room. There are shipping blankets and pretty pink curtains dividing their room from ours. These pics are the worst. Boo. But they're what I have. They love this room!
Bryant and my room.
And our house. Tiny and old. But it's held us well for 9 years.
And here's to more change.
God has found a house for us in His perfect timing. My impatience and frustration and discontent were for nothing. And all the photos above weren't for nothing either :) His timing was definitely not my timing. Of course this would come when moving was the last thing on my mind! But the time has come to say good bye. To this old house. Which I now can't help but love. Of course it's the memories more than the house. We've had so many, many good ones. This was the home Bryant brought me to after we were married. And this was the home we brought each of our 5 kids home to after they were born. It's all I've known since the day I became a wife. So while I'm thrilled about our new place. I want to feel sentimental about this one. I want to remember. I want to look back and see all the good things God gave us here. For we were truly blessed here. And we never lacked anything.
And that's that. It is with mixed feelings that we move on.
Here are some early days photos of our new house. We bought the property with my parents and it has been quite the journey. It's quite the story. Bryant was actually working on extending his shop the day we looked at the house. My parents said they were interested in a house and if we'd like to come along to view it. I was surprised. I didn't even know they were looking. And I secretly let myself entertain the idea of buying with them for a little while. But I didn't think B would go for it. I was happy to go along for the adventure and was trying to leave it at that. We met my parents at the house at 3. I looked around rather half heartedly. It was a nice house. Tons of potential. Huge. It did not end. I still get lost. I didn't look too closely because I didn't think Bryant would want to move. Especially on this short notice! So I wasn't allowing myself to go down that road. It's a struggle for me to wait when I am SO ready to move on to the next thing. Initially we had talked about living here (Our old house) only 2 years and for various reasons that just never happened. So 9 years of waiting is a looooooooooong time! This was the first house we actually set foot in to even look at the slight possibility of buying. I just imagined that he'd want to look at 10 or more houses and then compare them and hum and haw for 3 or 12 weeks and then finally make a decision. Or not. But nope. The offer went in the next morning (Friday) and we were approved on Monday. WOW!!
Here is the first pic I took of the house:
It's got tons of potential. It's big. 5 beds and 5 baths. It's been added on to a few times. It had lots of funny rooms and seriously. It never ends! It has 2 kitchens. 2 living rooms. I guess we'll have a family room and a tv room! I'm laughing and a little overwhelmed at all the space! It has an office for B. There will be a laundry/storage/wool/whatever room - just because it's there. There's a room with a hot tub and sauna (Yes. I know!) and there's a funny hallway that's actually kind of like a room.
So. We are packing up the house and we're moving! We'll have space. Inside and out. There are 5 acres out back :) The house and yard both need work. Lots. We've started ripping out carpet. There are 7 skylights in this house. The person that owned this place before us was addicted to skylights inside and concrete everything outside. So we will be taking out all sky lights and filling them in. I'm a bit sad about the 2 that are in our room. I would have liked to experience sleeping under the rain. The sun first thing in the morning - maybe not. But anyway. Most leak so they are going. Better now than after we've done new flooring and paint! We'll live in one side of the house mainly as we do repairs on the other. It will take time before it is fully usable. But it's so big this shouldn't be a problem.
My dad and Dean have been super and are helping out lots. Another thing I'm pretty excited about is the neighbors! It seems like a pretty tight little group. We found this out because sadly our house has already been broken into! Not cool. But Bryant went and chatted with the neighbors and there are a lot of kids around here and it seems everyone knows everyone kinda :) Yay! Tommy was outside in his underwear playing in the neighbors pool while B was chatting. This makes me smile. Yay potty training!
Anyway. Here are some early days photos of the house.
Here is the family room as you walk in. With the new-to-us couches we bought of a friend. The floors are pretty old and will need to be replaced sooner rather than later as they are starting to wear down and little splinters are coming off here and there from wear. But I kinda like the design and it's totally fine for as long as it will take for us to get to them. Such a nice big room and I like the fireplace :)
Here's the funny hallway that I was talking about. There are doors that close that make it kinda like a room. The train track at the back is just off the family room. And to the right is the small kitchen that we will be using for now. For now this will be a sort of play area and dining room. But eventually, once the roof is fixed on the other side of the house and the bigger kitchen gutted and rebuilt this will be my homeschooling area. Yay!! Just a tiny bit excited!!!
This is our smaller kitchen. The nicer one of the two for now. I'm glad it's quite usable and has a dishwasher and nice, new fridge. It will be nice to get working in here. This will eventually just be a spare kitchen. Strange idea but I like it :) It needs a really good clean and one day new counters and tile. But other than that doesn't need much help.
This is Bryant's and my room. You can see the 2 skylights there. It has an en suite bathroom. Something I've always wanted and nice closets. Not something we have right now. I am so excited to get this room decorated and set up just like I have it pictured in my head! :D
This will be the tv room. There's a guest room at the back there and a bathroom at the side, too. I like the openings in the wall here. This is just off of our bigger kitchen and future dining room. A nice big size as well.
This is the girls room. They don't look happy but really they are quite thrilled. They also get a master, which they love! I was just wanting to keep them in their room the whole night without coming out 13 times to pee! There is a sort of tacky walk in closet there now which we will be taking out. It was an afterthought and built right onto the carpet. So that's going. There was also a little addition built onto it which we will also be removing as the ridiculous "sky light" they used as a roof (Basically overhang material) leaked and there was a ton of water damage. They also built it right onto the roof so the roof was sagging underneath it. *Groan* But. Since we're already fixing the roof and sky lights anyway, it's not a huge deal. It will just take a bit longer to get this room done.
And the final photo I have is of the hot tub/sauna room. This still makes me laugh. This whole house does! I guess it suits us ;) The kids can't wait to try it out :)
And that's my long rambly update for now. Will be back more with other updates. This month has zoomed by!! Good thing photos will keep :)
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